Dear God,
What is in store for me?
Why have I come this far and what is your plan. I don’t understand what it is you feel I can do for you or others. It feels like I’m floating again. But the winds are not kinder. They spin violently, taking me along for a journey that I love but I feel I can not sustain.
I said something horrible today.
Arguing with my mother
I told her “You just want me to take an immigrant job, right?”
Another one of the things I have said when I have lost my temper.
It really feels like that though.
Two years of applying and while I have been close, it seems that most of the positions I apply for are not meant for me.
Yet, I continue to take any job I can get. I wash dishes, serve food, pour drinks, write papers; I serve. And yet, it feels like I am going nowhere fast. I’ve cut my hair, shaved my beard and try to smile more often to the point where I am practicing in the mirror.
But I can’t get a good job. I’m trying.
However, when I go to sleep I can’t do it. I stay up looking for positions. Watching videos on how to prepare myself.
But what am I preparing for?
What is the next step?
Are you even there?
– Rich
P.S: If you are there, say hi to my father. I’ve been missing him much although I feel he wouldn’t be much help in my current situation or throughout all these trials I have been through. I still miss him though.
RNPORTILLA 